New Apple CEO Tim Cook: 'I'm Thinking Printers' [Onion]

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Posted August 25, 2011 at 6:59pm by iClarified

The Onion is reporting that Apple's new CEO Tim Cook is 'thinking printers' and will postpone the release of the iPhone 5 for at least four years.

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Following the resignation of Apple founder Steve Jobs, incoming CEO Tim Cook called a meeting of shareholders and members of the press Thursday morning to announce that he envisioned printers as the company's future. "Laser, ink-jet, double-sided, color, black-and-white-the future of technology is in printers. I am absolutely convinced of that," Cook explained to a packed auditorium as a montage of printers and people using printers played on a screen behind him. "What is the one thing people will always need? It's obvious: printers. Printers with fax machines attached, printers that collate and staple, perhaps a printer that makes photocopies. Anything's possible. It's called innovation." Cook concluded his remarks by assuring investors the release of upcoming Apple products such as the iPhone 5 would be postponed for at least four years so the company could throw all its time and resources into the creation of high-quality printers for the home and office.
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The Onion provides a humorous and satirical look at current news, in case you didn't know.

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New Apple CEO Tim Cook: 'I'm Thinking Printers' [Onion]

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siddharth - August 27, 2011 at 3:12am

no i deviceses R the best steve will miss u ...no one was like u will b like u

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Samiam - August 26, 2011 at 7:55am

WoW ! Pure genius ! iPrint I can see it now. With high alloyed features less then a second to print a page and include retina display on every page XD

ron2k_1 - August 26, 2011 at 3:36pm

Yeah! They gonna use iInk and iPaper size iA4 and iLegal, and this is all for the iPrice of icant-believe-onion-had-the-nerve-to-say-this-was-a-freakin-press-release!!!! HP abandoned production of mobile devices, Apple wants printers, and tomorrow Google will announce that they gonna get into scanners because cellphones have not future at all [sarcasm alert]...

ben - August 26, 2011 at 4:18am

This post really had me for a second. but then all of a sudden I felt gullible.

boywonda - August 26, 2011 at 1:58am

LMFAO!!!! I know right?! Toooooo funny

gabe - August 26, 2011 at 11:24am

the idiots commenting LOL - hehe love the Onion!

Rob - August 25, 2011 at 11:37pm

hes gonna ruin apple with his printers other companies have a strong presence on the pritners market and apple doesnt need that just stick to what has made apple agreat company IPHONE AND MAC not printers

namedb - August 25, 2011 at 11:18pm

i feel like i am surrounded by morons.

Maded - August 25, 2011 at 10:42pm

Lol at anyone taking this even semi seriously!

Omg - August 25, 2011 at 10:41pm

Wtf for 4 years? What about postponing Cooks promotion. I have faith on steve he wont allow this BS.

Kim Lu - August 25, 2011 at 10:25pm

Ohh nvm hahaha the onions just mocking apple saying it's the end of apple and it's innovation rofl

Kim Lu - August 25, 2011 at 10:22pm

Are they serious?!,!, WTF I don't think anyone wants to buy "600" outdated apple printers this has to be a joke

Troy - August 25, 2011 at 9:15pm

wtf printers? who cares about stupid printers, we want the iphone 5. NOW.

Ahmed El Zoughby - August 25, 2011 at 8:21pm

AS IF Steve will let this goes by! This rumor would be true if only Steve took back his resignation! A fool would do this step with Apple ... And Steve is not a playing to let this major company in the hands of a fool ... I have faith in Steve that it's going to be alright.

Really? - August 25, 2011 at 8:15pm

Sarcasm is hard to detect in typed word...but I get a genuine feeling that some of these comments believe this Onion story is actual NEWS and not satire. I really do hope I'm wrong, however...

Matt - August 25, 2011 at 8:00pm

Apple is going down hill with this guy, printers they do it on the side, shouldn't be there main focus. This guys is going to kill Apple.

Nobo1 - August 25, 2011 at 7:56pm

Maybe he could screw HP even Further by iprint device!

ELysium - August 25, 2011 at 7:55pm

Yea... because Onion is such a reliable source... [enter sarcasm here]. Pure BS... postponing iPhone 5 for 4 years!? Why would a company postpone a product that sells so well each year for 4 years? Seriously iClariried, i love you guys but you guys do post some BS once in a while.

Josh howe - August 25, 2011 at 7:17pm

That's 2 much for apple in so little time they should space it out. Stuff Cook!!!